Oh No You Di'int!

I'll be honest. Being infertile is no fun. *shocker*

There are days, though, when I don't really mind it. There are some days, where I really am 100% grateful that it is one of my trials. I have grown to appreciate the blessings that come from it.

Then there are days like Sunday. Sunday SSSSSS-TUNK.

The morning was actually quite wonderful. We hit up a missionary farewell for one of my best friends, spent the morning relaxed before church. I took my time getting ready and even had time to can a batch of fresh raspberry jam from the berries we picked last week. [pictures are currently stuck on the camera. yuck.]

Sacrament meeting was uneventful. Sunday School was spent talking to this girl [who I love dearly.] Then I meandered across the church to Relief Society.

We had our opening song/prayer/announcements and then the "good news minute." [Yes, they still do that.] It's basically a minute where you can raise your hand and share any good news you have. Quite often it is so-and-so had a baby. I'm going to have a baby, and or I got married 2 weeks ago. I chose to share that C and I dressed up as Avatars on Friday and spent a few hours livening up the library on BYU campus as well as scaring some freshman boys out of their shorts. [It was fabulous, and those pictures are also stuck on the camera. patience, my friends. They are TOTALLY worth the wait tho!]

Thus began the lesson on, *eep* Parenting. Now, one of my very good friends asked me a while ago what I thought of Conference Talks that mention how we're supposed to come to this earth, get married, and have a family, because C and I have such a hard time accomplishing the 3rd part of that commandment. My response is always, "Well, I completely agree with them. We will have a family. I don't know how my babies will get here, but they will get here."  This lesson was quite different. The teacher happens to be a girl who just announced that she's pregnant. [I also have to mention here that I have had wonderful conversations with this girl. I really enjoy her company and think the absolute best of her. It is, though, extremely difficult sometimes to see others get exactly what you so desperately want and are praying/fasting/etc. for. It is also extremely difficult to see their absolute elation. I do understand that such elation also inhibits your ability to recognize the pain of others. I compare it to getting engaged and ticking off all your single friends by talking non-stop about your wonderful fiance/wedding plans/flashing your ring around/etc. which I am totally guilty of.]

Throughout the lesson, other sisters chimed in with their comments. The point that kept being driven home was that "Children are the reason for EVERYTHING we do. They are the motivation for living the gospel, for establishing good communication with your spouse, for following the prophet, for keeping the commandments etc." Then, the comments turned into a "my-cute-kid-did-the-cutest-thing-the-other-day" try-to-top-that competition. It hurt. Bad.

I found myself in a bit of a panic. I've promised myself, C, and our children that will always remain faithful through this trial, but oh how terribly I wanted to walk out. That's never been a temptation for me before. I just turned my eyes to the floor and debated saying anything. It was basically the "last call for comments" and I raised my hand. This is what came out of my mouth [as best as I can remember it]:

"I've been debating sharing my comment for the entire lesson because I'm not quite sure how it will be taken, but it is extremely important to me and I feel like it needs to be said. I believe it is vital that every single one of us remembers that our children are not the only motivation for living the way that we do. *voice shakes-tears are comin'* There are some of us, besides just me, who are going to have to fight very hard to get their children here, some will have to wait until they are mothers in Zion. Yes, we will be mothers, but it will most likely take a lot longer than anyone is anticipating. If we wait until we have someone to be an "example" for, we're going to be in a rut for a very long time. We have family night because we are commanded to. We have a food storage because we are commanded to. We build strong marriages because we are commanded to. We foster a righteous spirit in our home because we are commanded to. Not to be an example to our children."

Every eye in the room was on me. I know they knew who was speaking. The teacher closed her lesson, I choked through the closing song, and started to pack up my things. Not a single sister-not even the ones sitting right next to me-said a word to me. I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt and not say that they avoided/ignored me, but I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I went to the foyer to wait for C to take me home so I could appropriately lose it.

C didn't come. [He had a meeting that I'd forgotten about.]

One sister approached me and the following conversation happened: "I'm really grateful for the comment you made."

Me: "Thanks."

Her: "It's ok if you're not ready to be a mother."



Me: (slightly more intense tone now) No. It's not that. My husband's and my bodies don't physically work they way they need to in order to make that happen. We're in the middle of fertility treatments right now. If it was as simple as wanting a baby, we'd have a 1-year-old right now.

Her: Oh! Have you tried raspberry leaf tea yet?

Me: We're a little past tea, sister ___.

Her: Is it you or him?

Me: It is US. We are married. It will always be US.

Her: Well, I'll tell you a story to make you feel better. My friend adopted a baby and then 25 years later, the MONTH she was baptized into the church, she got pregnant. At age 45!

Me: Thanks. That makes me feel a whole lot better. [Thinking: so, 24 years to go. And I just have to leave the church and get baptized again. Easy peasy.]

And then C swooped in and took me home.

Love. That. Man.

Hello. My Name is Kristin. I'm a Star Wars Fan.

C & I met in June of 2008. October 2008 came and went. We dressed up like Lois Lane & Clark Kent. We got married & October 2009 came and went. We dressed up as EFY counselors. October 2010 is now upon us. We've got our halloween costumes all figured out [face paint and blue spandex pants included], but we've decided to FINALLY take part in a traditional Halloween activity: carving pumpkins. And I dare say, we outdid ourselves this time.

The past 2 weeks, I've been gaining wife points by watching Star Wars episodes 1 and 4-6. I only knitted through 2 of them. And I'll admit, I actually really like them. Once I figured out that they have a story line, the characters are easy enough to remember, and there really isn't any gore. I can actually see why people enjoy them. [I don't consider "Star Wars" a lifestyle, for heaven's sake. But I'll watch them without weeping or wailing.]

And just to seal the deal on how much of a Star Wars fan I really am, please check out our galactic jack-o-lanterns.

[caption id="attachment_1172" align="aligncenter" width="550" caption="the whole fleet"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1173" align="aligncenter" width="550" caption="yoda"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1174" align="aligncenter" width="550" caption="the jedi"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1175" align="aligncenter" width="550" caption="darth vader"][/caption]

And my personal favorite:
[caption id="attachment_1176" align="aligncenter" width="550" caption="R2D2"][/caption]

He's carved into a little pie pumpkin. I think he's adorable. :)

How about you? Got anything fun cooked up for this Halloween?

Confidence

It's been a weird week at the Call house. We left off in our infertility struggle by saying we'd met with the doctor and we'd be trying an IUI this month. Well, they time that by my cycle, which means when we get a positive ovulation test, we call the clinic and make the appointment for the next day. I've been charting my ovulation for the past 18 months, so I know that it normally happens around day 18. Well, day 18 came and went and no positive test. C and I had somewhat written off this month. We called the doctor and he said sometimes this just happens and we'll just have to wait for next month. Not what I wanted to hear, so C and I moped around the house and watched Star Wars [which I quite enjoyed!] Spirits were low. Today, I worked from 10-5. I'm supposed to take that blasted test around 1pm every day, and I'd forgotten the test at home. C brought me one [begrudgingly...we'd already given up this month]. And I went to take it. Lo and behold, that blessed little digital smiley face was staring back at me! Thank heavens there was no one in the store. I bounded out of the back room and told C what was up. Texts and phone calls were made and the family was on board.

And then the emotion really started to sink in.

There are so many people pulling for us. There are so many people that could possibly be let down.

For so long, this has just been a thought. We didn't think it would ever actually happen. And yet, here we are. It's exciting, terrifying, and exhausting all rolled into one.

To think, I could find out I'm pregnant in just over 2 weeks....! (do I dare even think that?)

.

To think, I could have to dash more hopes than C's and my own if things don't work out. It's a lot to deal with.

C and I deal with these intense emotions in our own ways. C pounds a sleeve of oreos. I, on the other hand, continue to freak out. I need some serious confidence. Luckily, my mom understands this and has prepared for such an occasion. My mother is incredible. She teaches piano and sewing to save up what's called the MDEF fund. [pronounced mmm-def]. It stands for "mother's of daughters getting their education fund." And it started as a way to help us girls through college. Now, though, the MDEF fund is more like I'll "M"-ost DEF"-initely need a new outfit for tomorrow.

So, thanks to the MDEF fund, I will be looking fabulous, even if I feel like just breaking down and crying from all the hope/anxiety/intensity/fear/courage/adrenaline/etc. that's pulsing through my veins. Thanks mom.



and so it begins.

Harry Potter 7 part 1: Are YOU ready?

C and I are big fans of Harry Potter, and the first part of the 7th movie is coming out in November. You better believe that we're getting ticket to the midnight showing. Allow me to refresh your memory if you don't remember the midnight showing of the 6th:

We do the whole dress up, scar on the face, best seat in the house thing. That premiere was in July of 2009, summertime.

This premiere is in November. Which means it's going to be cold, and possibly snowy. And what do Hogwarts students do in the wintertime?

They wear scarves.

And just for a perk, what do Hogwarts students have?

They have owls. That is an OWL on my HAT that I KNITTED. Bammo. I'm thrilled. :) Pattern from here. :)

We're going to the midnight showing with our friends, the Heldts. We're each wearing a scarf with one of the house colors on it. C gets to be Gryffindor. I have to be Hufflepuff. And the Heldts are Ravenclaw and Slytherin. We are dorks. and we are OK with that. :) I now have to go about finding a way to make a yellow and black scarf less heinous. I'm thinking ochre will fix my problem...and perhaps I'll make the black optional? idk. Any ideas are more than welcome!

Party With The Calls!

Enough moping already! Wasn't conference wonderful? C and I spent a very relaxed weekend listening to our inspired leaders give us counsel that we very much needed, especially in our current time of trial.

There are a few quotes that seem to keep ringing in my mind.

"Faith brings us to Christ. By moving forward to the unknown with only hope and prayer, we gain more faith."

"Faith without works is dead."

"Refuse to remain in the mindset of negativity."

"Sometimes Heavenly Father makes us wait for an answer to our prayers in order to give us the chance to build our faith and character."

"Regardless of the opposition, we are commanded to stay the course."

"Our agency is always more powerful than the adversary."

We need more faith. In order to gain more, we are moving forward, stepping out of the mindset of negativity, and doing all that we can to overcome this obstacle.

The doctors at the RCC encouraged us to start a fund to help us be able to cover the costs of fertility treatments. So, I recently opened an etsy shop (peachtreepaperie.etsy.com) selling custom design graduation announcements, wedding announcements, baby announcements, christmas cards and party printables (invites, dessert table labels, thank you cards, etc). Any money earned will go strictly to our baby fund.

I created this button to help spread the word. You can find the code for it in the side bar of this blog.