Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Confidence

It's been a weird week at the Call house. We left off in our infertility struggle by saying we'd met with the doctor and we'd be trying an IUI this month. Well, they time that by my cycle, which means when we get a positive ovulation test, we call the clinic and make the appointment for the next day. I've been charting my ovulation for the past 18 months, so I know that it normally happens around day 18. Well, day 18 came and went and no positive test. C and I had somewhat written off this month. We called the doctor and he said sometimes this just happens and we'll just have to wait for next month. Not what I wanted to hear, so C and I moped around the house and watched Star Wars [which I quite enjoyed!] Spirits were low. Today, I worked from 10-5. I'm supposed to take that blasted test around 1pm every day, and I'd forgotten the test at home. C brought me one [begrudgingly...we'd already given up this month]. And I went to take it. Lo and behold, that blessed little digital smiley face was staring back at me! Thank heavens there was no one in the store. I bounded out of the back room and told C what was up. Texts and phone calls were made and the family was on board.

And then the emotion really started to sink in.

There are so many people pulling for us. There are so many people that could possibly be let down.

For so long, this has just been a thought. We didn't think it would ever actually happen. And yet, here we are. It's exciting, terrifying, and exhausting all rolled into one.
To think, I could find out I'm pregnant in just over 2 weeks....! (do I dare even think that?)

.

To think, I could have to dash more hopes than C's and my own if things don't work out. It's a lot to deal with.

C and I deal with these intense emotions in our own ways. C pounds a sleeve of oreos. I, on the other hand, continue to freak out. I need some serious confidence. Luckily, my mom understands this and has prepared for such an occasion. My mother is incredible. She teaches piano and sewing to save up what's called the MDEF fund. [pronounced mmm-def]. It stands for "mother's of daughters getting their education fund." And it started as a way to help us girls through college. Now, though, the MDEF fund is more like I'll "M"-ost DEF"-initely need a new outfit for tomorrow.

So, thanks to the MDEF fund, I will be looking fabulous, even if I feel like just breaking down and crying from all the hope/anxiety/intensity/fear/courage/adrenaline/etc. that's pulsing through my veins. Thanks mom.



and so it begins.

10 comments:

  1. I love you both either way. I 'most definitely' agree with the outfit. So cute ! Love the pearls.

    Deep breath. Something is going to work.


    .... and now everyone knows the secret to looking 'McGuire Good'

    It's our Rockstar Momma <3

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  2. Good luck Kristin! You and Cameron are going to make AMAZING parents :)

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  3. Aw. I do like the MDEF fund. Good luck tomorrow. We are praying for you!!

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  4. i love you guys we'll be praying for you ... ps i am so grateful you FINALLY blogged and we can be a part of your journey.

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  5. Thanks everybody! I'll definitely be keeping you posted.

    Michelle- tell me about it. Now that things are rolling, it shouldn't be so long in between posts. :)

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  6. Kristin,

    We are praying for you! Your mom is such a sweetheart and I know you are going to be rockin' that outfit! =)

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  7. Kristin,

    We are praying for you. And I agree with Michelle, thanks for posting about this. I really hope this works out for you two. You guys are amazing. Please let me know if there is anything that we/I can do. (i.e. deliver oreos or any other treats... the list goes on...) :) P.S. love the outfit!

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  8. Kristin,

    You and Cameron are just too cute for words, you both will be in our prayers as you continue on this journey. Infertility is a hard, and long road. My sister and her husband tried for 5 years, trying a few fertility treatments along the way, and then ended with IVF and now have 2 happy and healthy 2 year old twin boys. There are success stories, so keep those thoughts positive! You are not alone, lean on those family and friends when you need to, and if by the end of this you have a new wardrobe then so be it! Thanks for sharing your journey with us, and hang in there!

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  9. We will be praying for you! Love you. Ali and Scott

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  10. Hi Kristin. I discovered your blog because I follow @JessicaNan on Twitter. I just want you to know I am praying for you and your husband--I went through my own infertility battle a few years ago. It was emotionally brutal and it's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Obviously, from my name, it was successful (second IUI) and it was absolutely worth every tear and every moment of pain I experienced along the way, and I feel very blessed to be a mommy. And I pray the dream comes true for you too. :) If you want to read more about my experience, click over to my blog and look for 'infertility' in the tag cloud. Clicking that will bring up relevant posts...I've written about it a few times. And if you have questions and want to ask me anything as someone who has been there, please feel free to e-mail me. I wish I had had more women who had gone through infertility to talk to when I was going through it...it would've helped a lot.

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