Phases

Everything is a phase. Gray is currently in a hair pulling and "give loves" phase. Nash is in an ear-splitting screeching and happy dance phase. And as the good comes with the bad, so will the good go with the bad. 

These little nuggets of boy-hood that I adore so much will eventually be outgrown. And so will the parts of boy-hood that drive me nuts. 

And I can't help but want to remember every single second of it all because it all passes so quickly. Where have the gummy smiles and wrinkly foreheads gone? I loved them. And I have never quite known this feeling before. Because I long to have them again, but I would not trade my grown up little boys for even a minute back in time. I would miss out on the newness, curiosity, story time, luh oo's, and tackle-hugs of the now. 

And that would be truly heartbreaking. 

So I will chin up and savor these phases. These moments. And avoid the hollowness of unfeeling that so often tries to creep in to the day-to-day. We are colorful. We are bright. And we are in love. And my sun rises and sets with my three men. 

I love being their lady. 

Busy at my feet

Before we had children, I would be making dinner or reading a book on the couch or doing some other everyday thing and wonder what it would be like to do that same thing when all was "busy at my feet." I wanted that chaos. 

Now, my boys are speed-walking halfway out-of-control everywhere. Hitting toys against the wall just to see if they make noise. Pulling pots and pans out of the cupboards. Chasing each other. Teaming up to chase the dog we're watching this weekend. Climbing stairs. Bringing pillows into the dining room just to flop on them. And laughing and laughing at everything. 

This is the best dang chaos I have ever experienced. 

Movie Night!

It's date night. Dad is at a seminar way over in grapevine, which means I have two very handsome young men to date tonight. And oh, we have a good time! Brownies, juice, popcorn and a late bedtime. Sounds perfect to me!

Rich

We don't have a lot of money. We are in school. We are young parents. And sometimes when we're trying to figure out what to make for lunches and dinner until the next month we get in fights about just "buying it anyway." Sometimes it stinks to not have any money at all.

And sometimes your husband picks up a great movie for free at the library and pops homemade kettle corn in your big soup pot. And then it starts pouring right as the credits are rolling and he asks you to sit on the front porch with him and watch the storm. And sometimes even while it's raining a few daring fireflies light up. And their light shines all over the wet grass and turns everything to gold.

Sometimes we are very, very rich without a penny in our pockets.

Love Lessons

Every now and again my eyes are opened wider and my heart realizes just exactly how I am changing as a wife and a mother, largely due to very specific experiences with my husband or one of my boys. 

Last night, Granger woke up at 3. He has been having a little trouble sleeping through the night so I didn't go in right away. After about 10 minutes I went to go check on him. He had thrown up all over himself and his bed. I got him cleaned up, Nash woke up too, and Cameron came to finish making the bed and help because Nash only wanted me, and Gray needed his daddy. 

Twenty minutes later, Granger started crying again. He had thrown up a little, so I took him out and got him some oils to calm his tummy and help him sleep deep. Before I put them on, though, I just cuddled him. I was sitting on the edge of my bed when I felt his little tummy contract again and I stood up in time to keep it from getting on the bed, but it went all down my back. His poor little body did this 3 or 4 more times, and his little cry after each one just made me pull him closer to offer any comfort I could possibly give. 

And I just didn't care about anything else. The early wake-up call, the mess, the lost sleep, the inconvenience. I cared about my hurting boy and how to keep him from hurting anymore. 

Sometimes I am grateful for how my heart reacts to certain things. Because in moments like these, all my insecurities about being a good enough mother are  pushed aside and replaced with the purest form of love I have ever known. 

The Children's Museum

With all this dad time we have had a lot of opportunities to explore our city a little more. We had heard good things about the new Perot museum downtown and decided to look into getting an annual membership. It took about 5 minutes to make that decision. We'll be spending a lot of our summer here when it is too hot to play outside. The boys had a ball! And Cam and I really enjoyed walking around the other exhibits. It would be a really fun place to have date night without the kiddos too.

We wandered into the basement where the baby section is. No kids over the age of 5 are even allowed. They had things to climb on, things to climb through, toys, mirrors, and the ever incredible water table. They had aprons to wear to keep their clothes dry, but by the end of it, Gray might as well have been in the bathtub. They were so happy. We made a few friends who also have passes and I'm really looking forward to meeting up with them next time!

On the come down

Cameron finished tri-2 last night. I am so proud of him. I am proud of us. School is a huge challenge, but we are really starting to figure a few things out. That and Cameron has studied until his brain is literally at a breaking point. After his last final, it has turned to mush.

We picked him up, he adjusted me at the clinic and we went out to dinner at Chili's. The boys did great at the restaurant. We ate yummy food, played, talked, were a family without school stress. It was wonderful. We stopped at the store for milk for the boys and blue bell for us, put the boys to bed and watched he voice.

After we went to bed and fell asleep things got particularly interesting. I woke up at about 2:45 because I was extremely uncomfortable. My pillow was missing. I asked Cam if he had seen it.

His response: "stop being mean!"
"My pillow is gone! Do you have it?"
"No. You don't have to be mean!"

I got up and looked around the bed. Meanwhile Cam rolled onto his back. And he was bear hugging my pillow. And it took a few more accusations of me being mean to get it out of his death grip. I got comfy again and fell asleep.

Two hours later I was woken up by Cam's hand shaking my side.

"You ok, babe?"
"What did you do with those chicken nuggets?"

Realizing he was still very much asleep, I decided to humor him.

"They're in the freezer."
"Why?! I thought you were going to warm them up!"
"They're for the boys."
(Hurt) "They're always for the boys."

When we woke up this morning, Cam had absolutely no recollection of the previous night's events. But he did go greet the boys when they woke up, so I didn't have to get out of bed, and he's currently out with the boys running all sorts of errands I didn't want to do.

The boys are glued to him. They are so happy to have their dad back! I haven't seen them this happy in at least a week.

I'm so grateful for the come down for the next 3 weeks. Great job, dad. We are so proud of you.