Thursday, April 28, 2011

Moms Know

For those of you who have been wondering, we did an IUI a little bit ago. I'll cut to the chase and just let you know that it didn't work. Even though we were kind of expecting this, (our chances are really not good with an IUI), it hurts just the same. The day we found out, I was grateful I didn't really have to talk to anyone. Cam packed me a star wars fruit snack and a note giving me some "Jedi Love" for the day. He is amazing.

We texted our parents and let them know. (Sometimes it's just best not to hear a voice.) And my mom e-mailed me immediately. We got to talking and she sent me this experience:

Do you want to hear my best example of grace under fire?  I can't remember if it was the third or fourth round of chemo for Grandma McGuire, but she had to have something done as an out patient and she asked me to take her to the hospital. She had decided to have the nurse shave her head while they were doing what they had to do because it was going to fall out anyways. She had thought this though a head of time and when they pulled the curtain back she walked out in grandpas black cowboy hat with her head held high. We didn't talk. I knew she was thoroughly tired of going through the motions again. To me it seemed to be her defense against the world and what people think. Find your hat my dear. You can keep moving forward. Focus on others today. You'll get through the day a little easier. I love you.

My mom always knows just what to say. She also knows when nothing is right. When silence is better. She knows the pain I go through because she loves me. She hurts right along side me. And she reminds me that our Heavenly Parents are hurting too. They are not the ones to blame for this. No one is to blame. This is just a "thing." It's not a bad thing or a good thing. It's just a "thing." It's a part of our lives that both blesses us and strengthens us. It's our trial by fire.

And to remind me of a strong and beautiful woman who walked through fire gracefully on a daily basis, I made this for our home.

If I can endure this trial with half the grace she endured hers, I will be proud.

And someday, I will be a mother who knows. For now, I am grateful for mine. Because she knows.


  1. Kristin, what would we do without our moms. I had a horrible experience last night that left me feeling shaken and extremely upset. I did the only thing I could think to do at that time. I called my mom. And in between the sobs I let her know what was wrong. And she was there, as she always is, giving me the support and love that I so desperatly needed at that time. I am still shaken and still upset but I am now looking for my "hat". Thanks for posting this and for being such a great example to those around you.

  2. First (((HUGS))) for you. Second, how lucky are you to have such an amazing mom. I would give anything to have that kind of a relationship with my own mom.

    I will forever remember your mom's "find your hat" and will share it with my kids. There are times when I want to help them but am not sure how. Thank your mom for me for adding one more bit of information to my mom arsenal.

    Sending you love and light.


  3. Kristin,

    That was so touching. Your mom is an amazing woman and so was Grandma. I sure do miss her!

    Love you.

  4. Such a great story, something that I will definitely remember. And I am glad I am not the only one who sometimes needs to "not hear a voice" because it is one of the things that often makes hard times harder for me. Sometimes I just need the time to be with my own thoughts before I am ready to talk to people.

  5. I love the design you made. Your story reminded me of when my own mom went through chemo. When she lost her hair we threw her a hat party, where everyone wore a crazy hat and brought one for her as a gift. It was so much fun despite the hard times. Moms and hats rock. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Handn in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

  7. This post brought me to tears. Sad ones, because the things we go through ARE hard. Happy ones because your graceful example and inspiring words.

  8. I needed to read this today.... to hear those words.
    For now, you're a friend who knows, even if you didn't know I would be reading.

    You're in my prayers and thoughts.

  9. We feel for you and your failed IUI. Our last AI was a year ago from now. It's hard to go through, but we have found that our characters have been strengthened through this experience. Thanks for sharing the inspirational story about finding our hat!