12 Month Update

12 months. A whole year. It went so fast. But it was absolutely wonderful. I couldn't imagine a better life. These updates every month have really recorded the details so fully. I am so grateful to have kept this record. I love watching their quirks. I love watching them learn new things. I love those moments of self-realization. I am a mom. And I am a good mom. And I love being a mom. And I am learning how to be a better mom.

I have begun to know the feeling of terror that comes along with being a parent as well. The numbing thought of something ever happening any one of my boys (Cameron included.) And while that feeling scares me, it is also full of wonder, because it is incredible to feel that intensely. That is love. These 3 men in my life each have my entire heart. Before I met Cameron, I used to be so frustrated at feeling "numb" a good portion of the time. He taught me how to feel. And Nash and Gray have intensified that ability a hundred fold.

Nash and Granger, you are so completely and utterly loved. And you bring a light to this world that I have never known before meeting you. I am in awe.

This is the slide. It is on the school playground two blocks from our house. Unfortunately, we can't go to this slide during the day because the students that attend the school have recess on it. But on weekends or when dad is home or during the blissful week that is spring break, these slides are free game. It is a tall, but not too steep slide. And it is bumpy without being curvy. The wood chips at the bottom are just tall enough for the boys to be able to slide off the end and land on their feet to crawl back to the steps on their own. And it has a slide for each boy. Most of the time, we have to settle for other slides that are not quite so perfect, but oh it is a treat when this one is open.

They are both brave enough to go down on their own. Tummies or bums. Gray has figured out that to go faster, you lean forward. This has resulted in quite a few crashes, but he always jumps up and wants to go again. Nash grabs the side and flips onto his belly. It is so fun to see them play. 

Cameron snapped this picture through our window as he arrived home from school one day. I am still in workout clothes. Gray was having a really sad day and just needed to be held constantly. Nash was holding onto my legs. Cam said he was the luckiest to come home to this. I am the luckiest that he likes coming home to me. I need to remember that it doesn't matter if I don't get everything done every day. I am working hard and doing my best. He can see that. And he does his best to help me see it, too. I would do well to believe him more often!

There is so much that I love about this picture. First, Cameron dressed the boys for church. He gets them ready most Sundays so I have time to do my hair. He dug out these vests. Oh the boys looked so dapper! I love that Gray is so independent and striking a pose. That is his personality. He is ready to walk, but just doesn't quite have the coordination yet. Nash needs a hand to hold. And he is my little buddy lately. A mama's boy. I love that. I also love their orange shoes. Their Papa's favorite color is orange. I think about him every time the boys wear these shoes. He loves them so much. He calls the pictures and videos of the boys I send him his "medicine." The boys outgrew these shoes a couple weeks ago. I already miss them. They fit for almost 6 months! They were the best.

Gray is a slow eater. Still. Nash is a climber. And he will steal as much of Gray's food as he can after he's let out of his high chair. Gray has developed the stiff arm. I love seeing them interact.

Cam got some new running shoes. They are so rad. I think my love of color is rubbing off on him a bit. He picked these all on his own!

The last can of formula. We officially switched the boys over to whole milk a couple weeks before they turned one. It has taken some convincing, but the transition went well. Now to wean the bottles, and go sippy cups full force. That's going to be brutal!

For six weeks, I was asked to attend a Family History class during Sunday School. Cameron still attended Gospel Doctrine. He had Gray one Sunday and Gray was being hilarious. Making all sorts of faces. Hiding in the curtains. Getting stuck in the chairs. He is a character.

I feel like this month has been the month of sickness. The boys just kept passing a bug back and forth to each other. And then they got a not-so-great adjustment at the clinic from a new intern one week that really messed up Gray. He was inconsolable for 36 hours. And the oils, which knocked it right out in Nash, weren't helping. Wouldn't eat. Couldn't sleep or breathe. We took him to see our favorite pediatric chiropractor, Sarah. I couldn't believe it. One adjustment and he took a big gulp of air and fell right asleep in the parking lot. It was a miracle. He was my happy boy after a long nap or two. So grateful to have him back.

Our Sundays have been a little frantic lately. It's been making me crazy to have so many places to go, when all I need is some family time. It is all for the greater good, though, and I know it won't last forever. It's also really good for Cameron to get some one-on-one time with the boys. This particular night, I made Adrienne's Sunday Meal for the first time. I didn't even have time to have a family dinner. I had to run off to a couple meetings and a choir rehearsal. The boys couldn't get enough of it, though! I was so proud of how it turned out. I love when they like my cooking. Biggest compliment there is!

We went to visit Dad at school one day. All the classrooms have wide steps to climb up and down and lots of fun things to explore.

Dad also gave the boys some spinach to try. They loved it! It is so funny to me that they like salad. I just feel like they're too young for that. Cameron is so good at helping them eat healthy and trying new foods. It is fun to watch.

 

These baby thighs kill me. Maybe that's why I never put pants on them. This end table is at the top of the stairs. It has a metal drawer pull that makes fun clanging sounds when you play with it. It really is like a trophy for the boys making it all the way up the stairs. They love that thing.

I don't remember where we were coming back from when this picture was taken, but oh I cherish the times Nash falls asleep on my shoulder. It is a rare, rare treat.

We scored this piano off Craigslist for $300. We used some money from returning an ipad Wayne and Adrienne bought us for Christmas. This piano is so great! We are really grateful for it. Nash is all about it. He loves being wherever Dad is and seeing what he is doing. I love his curiosity.

I stumbled upon this comic and I had to keep it. It is too perfect! Sometimes I wonder what people think about me being proud of our IVF babies, but I AM PROUD! I am proud of what it took to get them here. I am proud of my body for doing such a great job. I am proud of them for being so brave and doing hard things. I am proud of our family. They are WAY wanted.

There was once a period of time where the boys didn't really bother each other. They would give each other toys. Play together. Climb over each other without freaking out, etc. And then this day happened. "I don't want you to sit on me!" "Well, I don't want to sit on you!" It cracked me up. They were so sensitive! Everything ticked them off. Nice to know we all have good days and bad days.

They still play together though. This dump truck from Grammy and Grandpa McGuire is a major favorite. Gray always rides on it. Nash always pushes it. And they don't seem to mind that arrangement. I have tried to switch them up. Neither one of them likes it. They roll all the way from the living room to the sliding glass door and wait for me to turn them around so they can roll all the way back.

School has been tough on us though. It is really a weird situation to be in where you are living such a different life than your spouse. Cameron goes to school all day long. Sees different people. Talks about different things. Works on his schooling. I am at home with the boys all day long. We go to play group. Run errands. Clean the house. Play, play, play. Talk to different people. See our friends. And it wears on you after a while. Cameron does a brilliant job at balancing everything and he gives us all the time he can. I am really proud of him for that. But I was at my breaking point. And a good friend of mine just called randomly to ask if she could take my boys so I could go to the temple for Stake Temple Day. I was nervous to go by myself, but it was exactly what I needed. I grabbed some sushi on my way home and was completely refreshed. The temple is so sacred to me. I am grateful to be worthy to serve there.

Gray is learning to walk. He can stand on his own. He face plants almost every time he tries to take a step, but he tries hard! I love his tenacity. And his proud face. Oh, he is a hunk!

We put the bouncer toy out on the curb for someone to take. It was gone in less than 2 hours. A sign of the times that my boys are growing up. It is exciting and sobering at the same time. I love the stage they are at, but I do wonder if I'll ever get to experience the baby-ness again.

This is how we make dinner. Ha. I do-si-do with the boys. The grapple at my legs and whine. It's really great. When I took this picture, Cameron was less than 3 feet away from me, not working at a hot stove. Oh well, I do love that they love me. And I'm proud that I am making dinner in this picture. A lot of the time, that is its own struggle. But, I think I'm getting better!

One day I went in to get the boys up from their nap and found this. The huge picture had fallen off the wall, right into Nash's crib! He was happy as could be. I'm so glad it was made of foam and not heavy or sharp at all! That could have been much, much worse.

It took me a year, but I finally got our 72 hour kits packed up. Oh what a peace of mind that is! They are not perfect, or complete, but I have a list of things to grab and am chipping away at it little by little. We hear so often the counsel to get prepared and to be self-sufficient. I have been worried about making this happen and finally just decided to get whatever we already had packed up. Finished is better than perfect has become my motto. And I am so grateful that these are hanging in our closet! Maybe now in an emergency, we will be able to help others instead of needing help ourselves.

Cameron and I have been watching The Amazing Race. It isn't available on our TV, just our computer, and this is the only way we can watch it and be comfortable. I sure love being close to him.

Nash's giggle makes me melt. He snorts like me. I try to take some time every day to spend one-on-one time with each of my boys. There is something empty-feeling about a day that goes by without some serious belly laughs. And I find it puts me in a horrible mood if I'm putting them to bed and we're not happy. So we may still be in jammies in the afternoon, but at least we are giggling!

These boys find anything they can to play with, so long as it's not actually a toy. In this case it was the packaging from some apples from Costco. They will play with tupperware lids for an hour, and their toys for maybe 5 minutes before looking for something more interesting. Makes me wonder why we keep buying them toys!

I love this gloating look on Gray's face. Nash had already finished his dinner. Gray was slow to the race again. Nash is pretty sly though and gets food off that tray any chance Gray gives him!

In an effort to take better care of my body, and to give me more energy throughout the day, I have been trying to juice more often. My go-to is carrot grapefruit juice. There is something about that combination that makes me feel so great, like I can do anything! When you take care of your body, it takes care of you. I'm excited to try out more combinations next time I go shopping.

This dinosaur was the boys' present from Santa this year. It bounces balls all over the place for them to chase. I found Nash like this. Apparently he wanted to be bounced. haha.

 
Thursday is my main cleaning day. I have found that this works so much better for me than to try to do a little each day. I just don't plan anything for Thursdays and I vacuum, mop, clean the bathrooms, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, etc. This means the boys get to help with whatever I'm doing while they're awake. On this particular Thursday it was mopping. They are so cute when they want to help with chores! I hope they enjoy chores for a while. And I hope I can help them learn that feeling of fulfillment that comes with a job well done.

I've been really getting into the essential oils. They have helped us in so many ways! I tried a spinal touch technique to get Cameron the sleep he needs. He was knocked out long before I finished. I had to wake him up (he was drooling) to put his shirt on and go to bed. I love how powerful these oils are! They really can help with everything.

I scrawled this note out on a napkin during a particularly hard night of sleep training with the boys over six months ago. It is still hanging on my fridge. It is such a good reminder to me that parenting is more than playtime. And mothering is more than snuggling. I have a sacred responsibility and duty to God to raise independent, righteous boys. And to get there, it won't always feel great. Growing, learning, etc. hurts sometimes. And that is ok.

Nash discovered the dryer. More importantly, he discovered the sound the dryer makes when he bangs on it. Dryer drumming became a fast favorite.

Gray refused to eat for a couple days because he was cutting his top teeth. I finally pulled some frozen berries out and he scarfed them down so fast! They were the perfect texture and ice cold. He was one happy boy.

I love this picture of Cameron watching over Nash on the stairs. He makes them look so little to me. I need that sometimes. They are big boys. Everyone constantly tells me how big they are. I know they are big. They will only get bigger. It is good for my heart to be reminded just how little they are.

We have put the high chair trays behind the washing machine and everyone sits at the table together now. We had a great family dinner for our first time of trying that out. The boys loved it and ate a ton. We had garlic chicken farfalle and salad. We learned quickly just how far the boys can reach across the table, but oh this made me happy. I have dreamed of family dinners since I was a little girl.

Sundays have also become our family walk days. This stroller was also purchased with the ipad money from Wayne and Adrienne. It is so great. The boys can recline or sit up. This walk knocked them out. We soaked up the sunshine and I enjoyed some great conversation with Cam that wasn't about school!

We are big on pointing. We skyped my parents one Sunday afternoon and I asked Gray to point to Grandpa. He got it right on the first try! Nash has been pointing and identifying characters in the book of mormon storybook we read every night. He knows Moroni, Helaman, the warriors, the star that came at Christ's birth, and the liahona. I love seeing their brains make connections! It is fascinating to me.

Granger Danger is living up to his nickname more and more every day. He is my little dare devil. No matter where he is, most of the time he will get into a precarious position and then get his balance and lift one foot off the ground. It is a riot.

Latest game is pulling the laundry out of the dryer. Exploring new things is always a hit.

I have big boys. These are size 18m jammies. Nash split the zipper.

This picture completely cracks me up. We stopped by the school to get adjusted. Cameron couldn't come see us, so I said "smile boys! this is for dad!" Their smug little looks kill me.

Breakfast is one of my favorite times of day. The light in our dining room is so pretty and the boys are happiest in the mornings. They are great eaters. I try to eat at the table with them and talk to them about their dreams. I hope this tradition continues.

The mischeif has begun. They are becoming more capable every day. They are discovering and getting into things I haven't even thought about baby-proofing. Now, every morning when I come down the stairs I have a mental checklist I go through to cover the main trouble spots.

Cameron gave Nash a sliver of cadbury egg before dinner one night. He was insane. Spaghetti everywhere. This one noodle was holding onto his hair for dear life. Perhaps we will hold off on the sugar for now on. At least until it's birthday cake time!

Nash throws fits with the best of them. I don't remember what this one was about, but he was sure mad. Most of the time it's that the microwave stole his bottle.

This extension cord goes to a deep freeze we have in the back of our closet under the stairs. The boys have learned not to play with the plug, but I have never discouraged them from playing with the cord. They were having an absolute ball with the cord. Their giggling together makes me melt.

My sister Jessica made these aviator hats for the boys. This was the very last day they fit on their noggins. We hit the park on a whim and it was pretty cool outside. We are so lucky to live where we do. There are 4 parks within a couple miles of our house!

We have really been trying to eat healthier by going weekday vegetarian. I made a vegetarian pizza using essential oils, a bunch of veggies and some white beans. The boys ate an entire slice each!

Forts and hiding spots are favorites right now, too. This is the latest: the cupboard for the hamper in the changing table. It is perfectly sized for a little Granger.

I ran out of milk for the boys one night. I woke up with Cam at 5am and drove to FIVE different places to try to find a gallon. All closed. Walmart, two gas stations, Kroger, Walgreens. Came home because Cam needed to get to school. His carpool picked him up about a minute after I got home. I was angry that I hadn't been able to find milk for my boys. Sad they would be hungry when they woke up. Annoyed we would have to load up and hit the grocery store before breakfast. Especially on my big cleaning day. And having a major pity party for myself. Cam came back and dropped off this beautiful gallon of milk. He had an exam in an hour and had to battle traffic the whole way to school. Tears of gratitude.

My boys are all boy and I love it. They love their food. They love trucks. Food and trucks? Heaven.

We gave Nash a clementine to play with on the way home from our Chiropractic visit one afternoon. We normally get stuck in traffic and take the long way home, so it ends up being about an hour. He was getting fussy and then he was entertained the entire way back. I don't think it has quite sunk in yet that silence with 2 1-year-olds is not necessarily a good thing. He had bit right through that clementine and eaten the inside!

My friend Tori came over to give me and the boys haircuts before their birthday. Their first haircut, Gray was calm and Nash was a mess. They flip flopped this time. Nash was happy as could be and you would've thought we were cutting off Gray's leg. He made it through though. They both look so handsome!

Cam had an adjust-a-thon at school one Friday night. We came to watch and visit with some friends. He got to adjust me for the first time! It was so cool. I am so proud to be his wife. The boys are also somewhat celebrities down at the school. Whitney and Diamond are their favorite girls. They are charmers.

I am loving that the boys can handle more foods now that they are getting older. I put butter and jam on their toast for breakfast one Saturday morning. They were so happy.

We trade off babysitting with some friends in the ward. It was our turn to watch their kiddos one night and we got to play with the ride on roller coaster their son Ben got for Christmas. I have never seen the boys react this way to anything else! Oh they had a blast.

One particularly hot day, I pulled out the popsicles and we headed outside to explore. Nash dropped his popsicle and crawled off into the yard. Gray immediately took Nash's popsicle and tucked it under his leg. Funny boys.

I got my first paycheck from doTERRA! And a free necklace and earrings that I won in the mail. In the same day. I love good mail days.

"Play yard up today because there's a freaking roach that I just killed in the hallway. Blech blech blech. It was huge. Managed to spray it until it stopped moving. Screaming at it to die the whole time. Begging it, really. It's blocking my way to the kitchen. It's lunch time. Wish me luck."

We live in a wonderful place. After being sick all day long just trying to survive with the boys, a good friend of mine brought over soup, bread, fruit salad, and dessert. It was just what I needed. I am so grateful to have good friends when I live so far away from family. We are watched over.

I snapped this picture of my Gray when we were still 30 minutes away from dinner time. This boy loves his food.

I am so happy this entry is finally complete! It puts my heart at ease to save the details some way. I couldn't be happier. Yes, we have hard days. Yes, we get stressed, mad, angry, etc. But YES we are so in love with this life we've got. And Yes, we still go in every night to kiss their cheeks before heading to bed ourselves. And Yes, we are the luckiest.