Wednesday, June 27, 2012


At heart, I am an old-fashioned girl. I dream of a world where my little family is the only thing on my mind. Where I don't jump on Facebook for a minute, only to realize naptime is over and I haven't accomplished one little thing on my list. I dream of healthy meals, a clean house, a lunch packed for my husband, love in our home, little feet running down the halls as we play cowboys and indians, masking tape race tracks down the stairs, and a whole pantry full of fresh canned fruits and vegetables. I dream of big breakfasts, Christmas mornings, and laundry out on the line. I dream of a world where walking to school is still OK because you don't have any creepers in your town. A world where there isn't total garbage on the TV.

I couldn't fall asleep tonight. So I picked up the book on my mother-in-law's nightstand and started reading. It's called Daughters in my Kingdom. And this quote stood out to me. It practically jumped off the page. I had to wake Cam up, and we talked about what I needed to do.

"The average woman today, I believe, would do well to appraise her interests, evaluate the activities in which she is engaged, and then take steps to simplify her life, putting things of first importance first, placing emphasis where the rewards will be greatest and most enduring, and ridding herself of the less rewarding activities." -Sister Belle S. Spafford

Truth is, I have design work coming out my ears right now. I have a waiting list that just keeps getting longer. I've spent a great deal of time working on my new website/blog in order to streamline these orders. I know that once I launch it, I will probably have more business than ever. [That is meant to be realistic, not cocky.] But this is not a good thing. I really enjoy designing, don't get me wrong. I LOVE IT. It is so fun for me to have a creative outlet, but my clientele has gotten so far out of hand. I have a hard time saying no to design requests because each project sounds so FUN. But then I bite off more than I can chew, I stress, I'm mad that my focus and talents are not being used to better my family first and foremost and dang it, I REFUSE to miss a single day of living my boys' childhood. They deserve an undistracted mama. It's not that they need more time from me. They sleep a lot. I get a lot done. When they are awake, I am most always talking to them, teaching them about the world around us. This morning, they sat in bouncer chairs looking out the back doors. I sat against the door facing them and ate my breakfast and talked to them about the bunnies and birds and flowers and trees. I took in their details. I loved it. They sit on the counter with me while I make dinner. Gray is so close to rolling over and I heard Nash's belly laugh for the first time tonight

It's not that they need more of my time. They need more of my focus. My creativity should be centered around how to encourage imagination in these boys. How to make them fearless in this world. How to help them be strong. I should be focused on being spiritually centered so I can recognize when my husband needs me, and how I can help him best. I should be finding joy in reading good books, learning new skills, experiencing the world with my 3 men instead of being glued to the screen and then being so tired from working all day that once Cam comes home all we can do is watch TV ON A SCREEN. Heaven forbid we play a card game.

Also, could there be a worse distraction than Facebook?! ugh! It kills me. And yet, I love talking and joking around with my siblings. I love sharing tidbits of my marriage. I love showing off the boys a little bit (what parent doesn't?). Don't you worry, the blog isn't going anywhere. I keep so many details of our little family in these posts that I don't record anywhere else. It is so easy for me to just jot down my thoughts super quick. I love that I can include the pictures and journaling all in one space. And I really do feel like I can say anything I want to. But I have got to figure something out for Facebook. How do you keep from "hiding your light under a bushel" so to speak, without distracting from the most important things?

I have enjoyed rekindling old friendships from high school on Facebook. There are people I have learned so much from on there. I wish I could just filter content. I don't know. Maybe I need to clean out my friends? I need your advice, straight up.

My heart aches for a balance I don't have.


  1. The word ditto comes to mind! Ug.

  2. This is exactly where I'm at right now! Perfectly said. I wish I had the answer...

  3. I agree, but I think us as women stress ourselves out so much with wanting to do EVERYTHING and be EVERYTHING. I think if we are doing our best, and putting the people and important things first everything else will fall in to place. You are doing a great job don't be so hard on yourself. :)

  4. I wish I had advice too.. I am having the same debate. Get rid of it entirely? Limit use? I don't know. All I know is something needs to change..

  5. I think that's the problem, Alisha. I'm doing far from my best. Not even close. And if I cut myself any more slack, I'll be all out of rope.

  6. it helps me to just not think in when i say, "no more facebook!" i just feel like i'm missing things and/or depriving myself. so it works better to be like, "only facebook for X minutes at X time of day. then there are phases of life where i don't care so much ...i think it's just a times and seasons things. but i do suggest moderation. i've never been good at black & white!

  7. Good luck! I've got a to-be list a mile long that looks similar to yours. I think growing is an ongoing process and once you conquer the things that are challenging you now you'll find new challenges. Don't let that get you down though! Maybe some pro-con/idea lists are in order?

  8. Hi! I've never introduced myself but I just found your blog a few weeks ago. I can totally relate to this. I'm SO sick of not giving it my all, then constantly beating myself up of it. It's a vicious cycle, and every day I vow tomorrow will be "the day I do better"! Yes, everything always looks better tomorrow. I feel like this post really woke me up!
    Facebook IS the biggest time suck. I actually deleted TONS of friends on mine, went through and only kept people I know in real life, and people who I would call on the phone and chat. I deleted all the people who I knew at one time, met randomly, etc! I've also basically forbid myself from using Facebook during the day. I use it in the morning before work ONLY. That way when my husband and I are home from work, we're not watching TV with laptops on our laps completely zoned out from each other. I wish I could say we don't both sit and watch TV, but we're working on that. Since its summer I've declared on weekends, we've been sitting outside with a fire, some drinks and snacks, and just been talking. It's really helped!
    I know you're not fishing for compliments or trying to let yourself off the hook, but you are likely being overly hard on yourself! Another problem with FB is that you're seeing the best of what other people are posting, and it can be hard not to compare your life with others who seem to have it all together! You have your priorities in order with your main focus being on your boys! We can always do better and it's great to always strive for that, but at the same time, we are only human! You are a great mom and that's what matters.

  9. Amen to that. There is not a day that goes by where I don't feel some combo of those things. Ugh. It actually has gotten harder as Mason has grown. Let me know if you find a way to achieve the balance!