Spiders in my Soup

I have a hard time with spiders. They don't even have to be real and I burst into tears. Seriously. For example, this picture is at our wedding reception. I am the one in the white dress, hiding behind my father, and the kid who looks all too pleased with himself is my brother, Rick. If you look real close, you'll notice that there is a very large spider hand-puppet on his hand. This hand-puppet's name is Phillip.

I hate Phillip.

I understand he is not alive, nor real, nor could he eat me. However, he is gross. I do not like gross things.

I do not like spiders.

So, yesterday, I came home from work around 5:30. It had been extremely cold and I was all set on making a great warm dinner for C so we could cuddle up and watch the 4 hours of Lost we'd been waiting for. [It was the finale. No judging!] I have one last Tortilla Soup mix that we wanted to use up because it's not a very good warm weather food. I also put on a batch of chai tea. [Worth it! Want the recipe?]

Here's the image. Two pots full of water on the stove. I walk across the kitchen to get the soup mix and come back. Before I can put the rice in, A FREAKING SPIDER THE SIZE OF A 50 CENT PIECE COMES CRAWLING OVER THE BACK OF THE POT AND INTO MY SOUP. [And you know how much more creepy spiders become when they come crawling over the edge of something. freak. legs everywhere, and you KNOW they're looking straight at you with all 8 of their ugly UGLY eyes mocking you for being so dang petrified.]

So while I'm flipping out, HOPING that stupid thing falls in the water, that devil of a creature makes the BURNER CATCH ON FIRE. So now, there is a spider in my pot, still very much alive, the burner is on fire, and I can't move the pot because there is the mother of all nastiness inside and I can't turn off the burner because the spider will get me. *too close* I am perfectly content to let the house burn down so long as that spider does NOT come near me.

I don't think I've ever actually screamed out loud at a spider. Not because it startled me, but because I was so upset that it was there. And oh, I screamed.

And then I ran up the stairs to introduce myself to our new next door neighbor and ask if he can come save me, because C was on his way home, but that stupid thing was ON THE MOVE.

Wonder neighbor came over and coaxed it onto a paper towel and carried the thing LIVE out of the apartment and set it free.

And I am alive.

Barely.

I still periodically get up and do the arm flail, body shake thing.

Creeper.